'Til Death Do We Part

The dress fits correctly. The flowers are freshly prepared. Mothers are crying. Bridesmaids are trying to stop. Groomsmen are choked up and the little nephew that involuntarily became the "famed" ring bearer just won't stand still. The Lord's Prayer was sung just right! Hallelu-yer! (sings) D-o-o-o-o you know-w-w-w-w what today is-s-s-s-s?

Well, it's not your anniversary, it's your wedding day, but if you haven't really thought this through, you may never reach your anniversary. You're standing there proudly taking your vows before God and before men. It feels good, at least it feels like the thing to do. My advice: think it through again. Examine yourself and your potential mate before you tie that knot to make sure your goals in this union are in sync. SIDEBAR: Please know that I recognize that #1 - Bad things happen to good p eople everyday, #2 - Good people turn into bad people everyday, #3 - We all make mistakes and wrong choices in life.

That being said, my mind goes back to one thing my wife told me leading up to our wedding day, even on the night before our wedding. She told me that, if at any time, I didn't feel that I could do this or be what we both will pledge it to be, that I can back out, EVEN if at the altar. Yes, she gave me permission to back out at the altar, for she was willing to lose out on the value of the dress, the flowers, the tears of joy, the catering for a truth that cannot be taken back once vowed. A pride-removed statement could actually save you from a life of despair and frustration. To be quite honest, I was a bit nervous on our wedding day. I was only nervous that something may go wrong and upset her, but I wasn't nervous about my decision to marry this woman. Please take inventory of yourself and your potential spouse. Make lists and count up the costs. Examine yourself and make sure you are able to give your potential spouse what he/she needs. Wait! REWIND: Make sure you are willing to attempt to give your spouse what he/she needs. Make sure you are wiling to tolerate the habits and truths that you already see in your spouse. Some people saw signs and truths before they stood at the altar. They tricked themselves into thinking they can change their spouse only to find out that they could not change that behavior, and all of a sudden, it became intolerable. If your potential spouse exhibits a temper on a level that you dislike now, perhaps you need to decide if you can tolerate that in marriage.

What can you not tolerate? Trust me, it's not a magic ring that you will wear and it doesn't change your personality. What am I trying to say? Success in marriage is a long term goal. It's not a quick fix, not a business deal. I know of a family member who, when asked why he married, replied with, "We just thought it was something we would try." TRY? Try out a restaurant. Try out an iPad, but please don't try marriage. Marriage is an act of longevity. While many marriages don't last for whatever reason, (I'm not hatin') your marriage, to be or already existing, doesn't have to end up in divorce court. Pray. Think sensibly. Be honest with yourself. Be honest with your potential spouse. Show him/her off. Let your family members "check 'em out." While their opinion is not always absolute, sometimes, people can see what you cannot. I observed a case where "he" was never brought around even though he was requested. The wedding day came and the wedding left.....so did the love, if it was ever there. Now, someone reading this may say, but you don't understand. I have been waiting a long time to marry. BJ, you're married and you go home to someone everyday. While this may be true, we all bear the responsibility to "pray, think and confirm" before we say I do. I don't care how old you are. You can marry at 85 years old, but if it isn't right, it won't work. I'm just asking that you think it through again and act accordingly.

As I sit here by my wife, comfortable in the bed, she says to me, "There's a war going on. If you're gonna win, you better be sure you have Jesus deep down within." Random to some, but not so random to the believer. Go figure. The goal is 'Till Death Do We Part." That's what we say right? Check out this blog link. 'Til Death Do We Part