Can I just spend my life with you?

Just over 4 years ago, I asked this woman to spend her life with me. To date, we are preparing to have our second child, and it has been one of the greatest journeys I have ever been on. So many people ask, "What makes a great marriage?" Marriages must be customized based on the persons who are joined together. Our story is simple...

We both came from homes with parents who were divorced, so when and where did we possibly see an image of a great marriage? When did we catch a glimpse of how God intended for the marriage to be? I don't exactly know when, but we both knew that we wanted our marriage to work and were willing to take the risk at love.

Someone asked me last week, what things have helped shape our marriage into what it is today. There are many elements, but I focused on the first few that came to my mind:

#1 - God. God has to be first in our lives. Without God, we would be rather crazy at each other, not for each other. The foundation of our success lies in the principles of the Word of God and implementation of His love. It's really a no-brainer that God is love, true love.

#2 - Communication. We communicate with each other very well. We are both free to discuss our thoughts and express ourselves without feelings of intimidation. She doesn't have to walk around on eggshells and wonder if she can talk to me about things. I am a communicator by education, so she probably has it better than some women, in that I understand that communication moves relationships forward no matter what kind they are.

#3 - Trust. Real love does not come with its own risk and learning to trust someone is an element that must be mastered. We trust each other and we trust each other's judgement. I don't have to sneak behind her back and check up on her and vice versa. You just have to learn to trust!

#4 - We are friends. Yes, she is my friend first. We have so many things in common and communicate and celebrate our differences. Our cultural backgrounds are very different, so we had to take a look at them and examine some of the things that have helped shape us today as individuals. I suggest that you do the same if you are looking to marry. I love the fact that she allows me to be me around her. She does not nag or pressure me, yet seeks to understand more about me as I seek to understand her. Marriage says, "Hey, you are two different people. Marry, move in together and see if you can get along."

#5 - MY FAVORITE - We both seek to make the other happy. It is my goal to keep this woman happy for the rest of her life. If there is something that she needs or wants, then I will try my best to make it happen for her. She is the same way. Many problems and conflicts are avoided because we simply try our best to meet in the middle in light of making each other happy and comfortable. Marriage is NOT selfish! You cannot think of yourself only and expect your spouse to be married. Some of your greatest sacrifices will be made in marriage. I won't even begin talking about sacrifices for children. That's another post. There have been times when she wanted to watch something or eat something that I didn't want, but to make her happy and comfortable is my goal. It's not just one-sided. She does the same for me!

I personally know of a couple who have really had their share of struggles. While the meshing takes time and effort, EFFORT is the main element missing from the husband's history. He has put no effort into making his marriage successful. He doesn't care about what matters to her. He is selfish - eats for himself, focuses on his own leisure activities, shows no true affection and really doesn't care that his wife is very different from him internally. Why marry?! Once the tux and the dress come off, once the bed is made, you must put forth a great effort to be successful. What is the point in marrying if you are not going to make an honest attempt to live in harmony?! Successful marriage crucifies selfish thoughts and actions. If you're not willing, please leave marriage alone. I know the picture painted here is that of a walk in the park. Marriage has its challenges. Dr. Robin Smith says, "Marriage is not a battlefield."

As I progress, we will look at some of the challenges that people face in marriage. I promise to be transparent about what I have experienced and what I have observed in hopes of helping someone else. At the end of the day, Ayesha is still my choice. "Can I just spend my life with you?"